I’m going to tell you a story. You will laugh. You will say, “No way! That’s crazy!! Why would you…” and now I shush you before you give anything away. The story I’m going to tell you is a simple one, and involves only three things: drugs, an inbred house-cat, and a love that was never meant to be.
This wasn’t last week. I was eighteen at the time. Crystal Methamphetamine was my morning, afternoon, and night – if you are unfamiliar with the effects of consistently heavy meth abuse, let me tell you, you go flipping crazy, which is totally understandable after staying up for days on end and sleeping only in short spurts, all the while eating nothing, chewing on the side of your cheek till it’s shredded meat, yeah, that was me. It becomes kind of a mental handicap where you are incapable of handling anything more than a glass dick and a Bic lighter.
But enough of that…
I was sort of living with a using-buddy of mine, more like overstaying my welcome. We’ll call this guy Chris. Chris lived in a shitty house with a shitty father and a shitty girlfriend. The dad was the main meth-man in town, and his front door never rested.
It was one of those times the door swung open, that’s when I first saw Autumn.
That first encounter… she walked through that door and just stood there, poised, waiting to be noticed. Her brother pounced past her as only a young male could destroy such placidity. As if she sensed my eyes, she turned to meet my glazed-over gaze. Her eyes were deep green in color, bordered by a combination of white and earl-grey. We held eye-contact for what seemed like half a minute, an impossibly long time for me, a tweeker, to keep still. Then she started to slowly walk over. The air was tense, anxious. She kept her eye-contact, never looking away. I was transfixed. Her movement was so seductive, so slow, and so painfully prudent. Is it the drugs? I wondered. The pipe was still in my hand, a room full of tweekers staring at it, their voices attempting to hijack my awareness.
Something felt wrong. I distracted myself with the television. Old reruns of I Love Lucy were showing, still – there must have been a marathon on that day, and yet nobody ever bothered to change the channel. I was arguing with myself if the picture was in color or black and white when suddenly I felt a rubbing by my feet.
I looked down at Autumn weaving in and out of my legs as if she were tracing the infinity symbol. She mewed, glancing at me with every graceful turn. She then jumped up on my lap, and sat. Just sitting and staring. Staring for what felt like forever – probably around a minute – with black-slivered eyes that didn’t blink.
She spoke to me…
“Who are you? I haven’t seen you before.”
Me? I thought to myself. I’m always around. You just haven’t noticed me.
Her slivered pupils dilated, “Well, I’m noticing you now, stranger. I like you.”
I was feeling a little uneasy. First order of business, I wanted the telepathic cat the fuck away from me. I needed a hit. Around the room, different forms of tweeker paraphernalia were being crafted with bony fingers. I tried to speak and lost my voice. My eyes shifted side to side, looking for a way out, an escape. I cracked my knuckles and scrunched my toes in my shoes. I had to get out of there.
“Relax, just take it easy,” Autumn said, as she slowly put her body to rest upon my lap.
My eyes shifted back to hers, You’re asking me to relax! You’re a fucking cat, don’t you get it?
“Don’t worry, it doesn’t matter. Just relax.” She started to purr.
Her purring was light and lazy at first, but grew heavier and faster with each passing second, a living vibrator. Her eyes squinted beneath tufts of fur and I felt a heat begin to emit from her body. Like her purring, the heat only intensified. Her stare demanded my attention. I could not deny her. She quietly moaned a kitten’s meow, and I was hypnotized.
Before I could do anything about it, with all the heat and vibration on the groin of my pants, I had sprung a very prominent erection, stiff and growing beneath the weight of Autumn’s body. Again, she caught my attention. As if she knew what I was experiencing in my boxer shorts, she repositioned herself with her rear end over the tip of my you-know-what. The heat continued.
It was like this, except with a cat.
After about ten minutes, Autumn jumped off my lap to the sound of food hitting her dinner bowl. I was left unnerved and somewhat disgusted with myself. I thought, Did I just have mock-sex with a fucking house-cat? As she turned the corner to the kitchen, Autumn stopped and looked back at me. Again, she spoke…
“You gonna be here when I get back?”
I laughed out loud, my head crashing down onto the back of my neck. Looking back at Autumn, I could tell she was waiting for something, a projectile, a stern Shoo! Instead, I thought, Yes, I’ll be here.
The other six or seven people in the room at the time seemed to have noticed the entire exchange. At least, this is what my paranoia was telling me. Chris looked at me and said, “What’s up, bro. You alright?” My reply came in the form of, “What do you mean? Of course I’m alright. I would only not be alright if there was something to not be right about. Right?” He just shrugged and went back to dissecting a digital alarm clock.
It was like that day after day, Autumn on my lap, and all that purring/vibrating. I would leave for spells and Chris would say that Autumn laid in the spot I usually sat in, just crying, love sick, like she missed me that much. I was simply amused, and to be honest, even a little happy, too. I’d come back and she’d meet me in front of the thorn bushes, walking in with me like I was there for her, not the crank. I’d smoke shitty in front of her, my fingers gently circling her ears, neck and chin, her head leaning into my ever touch. We had something special. I guess you can say that I grew attached to her.
Then one day I get to Chris’s and there she is sitting on some other dude’s lap. I can’t believe how jealous I felt, over a fucking cat! From that day forward, it was like she and I were playing mind games with each other. She’d walk in and look at me, and I would purposely ignore her. Other times I would walk up and pet her and she would immediately run to someone else. Back and forth, cat and mouse. I was left thinking, What went wrong?
Now I ask, What didn’t go wrong? Crystal Meth is a hard drug, and drugs make you do crazy things. Afterwards it’s like, Nah, wait, uh, did I just, nah, forget about it. But it happened. I fell in love with an inbred house-cat. “No way!” you shout. “Couldn’t happen.” Well, I don’t know what to tell you, except that to this day I think about that cat. After Chris and I had our falling out, I used to drive by that house with the thorn bushes, looking for Autumn. My mind thought of catnapping. I missed her. The moral of the story is, uppers blow, stick to the H.
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I like how that last picture is titled “H”. Simple, yet effective.
I fail to see what meth has to do with this story… Let’s face it, cats are just sexy, sexy animals. Any grown man who claims to have never popped a boner after a cat pawed his balls is a filthy liar.
I am truly offended. Why must everything on the Internet be composed of hideous rubbish promoting immoral, unethical behavior? I would like to hope that you remove this foul excuse for writting before I contact a friend of mine to take down this site. Trust me, I have ways of making this happen. Ever heard of zombie computers? It’s not a pretty picture.
Toodles!
that shit is insane man. clean now i suppose
Hey Ryan, ever heard of a cock? Go suck one!
Oh yeah, and thanks for being a fan – we love you, too ;^)
I was for the most part of my adult life, an opiate addict. While I sure don’t promote the use of heroin or other opiates, I will say the body tolerates opiates much better it does with meth. As the story eluded to, you are dealing with severe sleep deprivation. That and the chemicals used to produce meth are enough to turn anyone into a outright sociopath. I’m not going into details except to say I had a good friend, I had known until the late 60s. He had moved to a very large city into TX. He was undoubtedly the best meth cook in town. He was making money hand over fist. I will only say I witnessed a lot of pure insanity and the brothers, my friends for years, found themselves in a situation that ended in the death of a young lady just into her mid twenties. I freaked out when I saw them not only American Justice, but also another episode of Forensic Files. I am not going to elaborate. The last time I saw the younger brother, he was driving me to the airport. It was normally a 30 minute drive to the airport where I was going to catch my flight. When it was 20 minutes, I got into the car with the younger brother. They had a car lot as a front. On the lot were some very nice muscle cars. We were driving on the freeway in a 1968 Camaro SS. It was a candle apple red with a white diamond tuck interior. We were cruising about 120 – 140 MPH.
I screwed up on the last entry. I’m just saying I also was witness to a good girlfriend injecting meth in the parking lot of a night club. It was such a strong shot she died right there. She just feel asleep. It is odd when someone is injecting a stimulant such as pure cocaine, meth or other stimulants. When they are overdosing they fall asleep. You would think, they would be very hyper and just explode. That isn’t the way it happens. Bottom line – Speed Kills. I remember when the Haight District in San Francisco got caught in the meth and heroin. They used to put signs up everywhere saying Peed Skills. It does!
It is really strange when you see a 50 year old meth addict only to find she is on 25! Think about it!! I screwed up the above experience by not finishing it. This finishes it!
hahaha mann. i thought you were gonna try to fuck the cat or something