I just came across a story in the Northwest Herald about a guy named Carl Ahrens, who was arrested for drunk driving in Woodstock, Illinois. I live in California, so I don’t usually think about Illinois unless I absolutely have to. In fact, up until a few minutes ago… I thought Illinois was a fuckin’ city. But apparently it’s not a city–it’s a state. Specifically, it’s a state which contains McHenry County, which contains a courtroom presided over by the honorable Judge Thomas Meyer. According to the story I read, Carl Ahrens was charged with the following crimes:
- driving with a blood-alcohol content greater than 0.08 percent
- endangering the health of a child
- improper operation of an off-road motorcycle
- operating an uninsured motor vehicle
- driving without registration
It sounds to me like this Carl fellow is just your typical reckless drunk piece of shit you’d find on most streets in Illinois. Right? However, that very-reasonable assumption is immediately thrown out once you see a picture of the “motor vehicle” in question. Let me introduce you to the Razor MX500 Dirt Rocket:
- Electric motor!
- Speeds of up to 15 mph!
- Supports riders up to 175 lbs!
- Engine-like decals: great for pimping out your plastic battery covers!
As it turns out, Carl Ahrens was merely riding his kids around on an electric TOY. If this thing is bragging about a top speed of 15 mph, you can bet your ass Razor clocked that speed with a 5-year old anorexic midget driving it (that’s hyperbole for “a person who weighs very little”). So 36-year old Carl, plus a child, would probably be more like 8-10 mph (on a full charge, downhill, with the wind at his back). To put that in perspective, that’s about how fast an average person runs. Is it illegal to get drunk and go jogging? No. Why? Because there is very little risk of you hurting anyone… just like there is very little risk of anyone getting hurt from this toy. Here to demonstrate is this badass kid who rides his Razor MX500 at full speed off a ramp… and then crashes.
See? The kid just gets up and brushes himself off. But… what would happen if we threw alcohol into the mix? NOTHING. IT WOULD STILL BE A FUCKIN’ SLOW, HARMLESS TOY. The article even includes this quote from Ahrens:
“I can’t believe I’m in this much trouble over a toy,” Ahrens said. “It goes 4 miles an hour. I plug it in overnight.”
Representing the opposing argument is this quote from the prosecutor, Jennifer Gibson:
“I think Judge Meyer made the proper decision,” Gibson said. “I think it shows what a serious offense it is that he was riding his kids around on this motorbike at over two times the legal limit.”
I can’t stand people who use this Dr. Phil argument. “Do it for the kids.” Yeah right. Let’s look at this from the kids’ point of view. You killed one of their favorite activities (riding around with their dad on the Razor MX500). Then you took their family’s money to pay legal fees. Then you suspended their dad’s license, thus hindering his ability to work and preventing him from driving his kids anywhere. So now the kids are poor and can’t leave the house. In the end, all you’ve done is make their lives a lot shittier. And for what? What good came from this? NOTHING.
Fuck you, Jennifer Gibson. Unreasonable, lonely bitches like you have been eroding this country’s freedom for the last 100 years. I don’t understand why your kind can’t accept the fact that you’re NOT making the world a better place. If you’re trying to make an impact, just throw yourself off a cliff.
One of the reasons this story bothers me so much is that I had a similar encounter with the law when I was 15. I was riding a motorized scooter around and some fuckin’ loser cop writes me a ticket for driving without a license, insurance, or registration. The ticket set me back $360, but to a 15-year old… that equals about $700 trillion. What was the outcome? Did I learn my lesson? Am I a better citizen as a result? Fuck no. The result is that I absolutely despise cops, judges, the court system, and the entire U.S. government. You greedy, crooked-ass bitches. Fuck you.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
The fact that you believe what you read in the paper is the first sign of your ignorance. There is lot more to the story than what the paper chose to print – check your facts, then try to make an intelligent point. It amazes me how people like Carl and you continue to see yourselves as the victims, over and over again. You can’t let something go from when you were 15 and you were admittingly wrong. Grow up, follow the rules and you wouldn’t be such a bitter person. If you don’t like or agree with something, work through the proper channels to correct it; don’t try to draw attention to yourself by making outrageous statement and using foul language. All you are doing with this article is trying to draw attention to yourself, you really don’t care about the topic; it’s just another story for your to ‘write’ about. Now I can’t believe I wasted 10 minutes of my life responding to this. Gotta go, thanks for your time.
I disagree, George. I believe the first sign of my ignorance was the fact that I thought Illinois was a city.
I thought people read the paper to get the facts, no? Seriously though, what other sources of information do you propose? Should I search the McHenry County public records? Should I request the court transcript of this case and any other cases that Carl’s name might appear in? Should I fly to Illinois and interview the arresting officers, Carl’s neighbors, and any eye witnesses? Come on, George, walk me through this… I really can’t picture it.
No, the real victims are the millions of innocent people who die every year in electric toy motorcycle-related accidents, all of which could have been avoided if monsters like me and Carl would just follow the rules and register our motor vehicles.
That’s funny. At the time, motorized scooters were relatively new, and California didn’t have any laws in place governing their use. Now we do, and nothing I did would be considered a ticket-able offense, according to these new laws. But nevertheless, I don’t follow your logic regarding my bitter disposition. You’re saying happiness comes from following rules? Personally, most of my fondest memories are of times when I was definitely breaking the law… a lot.
First of all, the proper channels you speak of are entirely worthless to people like me, because the majority of voters and politicians in this country are people like you. That’s the problem with stupid people: they don’t realize they’re stupid. Second of all, drawing attention to myself and using foul language are two of my favorite pastimes, and they also happen to be protected by the Constitution, so if it’s okay with you… I’m gonna hold on to them.
Right… blogging my opinion about a topic is definitely half-assed. If I were a truly passionate activist, I would at least stand outside of Walmart and ask people to sign my petition.
It wouldn’t have been a waste if you had at least tried to make a point or provide a valid counterargument. But nevertheless, I’m glad you commented, George. Come back anytime.
I grew up in Palatine, Illinois, and knew Thomas Meyer as the younger brother of my friend, John Meyer. I am glad that Judge Meyer had the courage to follow the law, and convict Carl for riding drunk on his electric scooter. If one doesn’t like the law, then change it. Illinois law clearly prohibits driving/riding drunk on ANY motorized vehicle – which is what this motorized scooter was/is. I, for one, will feel much safer when visiting McHenry County in Illinois (from Colorado), knowing the law protects me from drunk fathers riding their kids around on motorized scooters – and thankfully, this has happened before the situation got out of hand – before there are teeming hordes of denizens riding these toy scooters around. THANK YOU JUDGE MEYER. Pit Martin
Ive been fucked over by the system all my life, its a truly evil thing, set up to make money for the state not giving a damn about the actual offense but only about the fines and restitutions to the state, the lawyers judges prosecuters down to the officer on the street dont care about you! The whole system is about money and run on that principal, Its all about who you know, where your from, and how much money you have, period anyone saying different is a either lying or is really really naive and obviously grew up in suburbia without a clue. The government and the whole system is ran by man and man is as we all know full to the brim with greed and a will to be successful, who can blame him just look at the world today! I for one am ashamed for mankind as a whole. Is there even one good person left running our country,states and cities? I fear the answer is no. It makes me physically sick to watch our country as it throws its morals and its values out the window to make a dollar, cause thats what its all about, and if you have some condisending remark to add i’ll just say this, I dont like you, I cant stand the sight of you or anyone you associate with and your all going to hell! Have fun BITCHES…
Don’t ever go against your landlord if Judge Meyer is presiding.
Ho Lovesw landlordes regardless of the evidence you have.
Slum lords are dancing in the street and a little 8 year old gilrl has to sleep on the floor because her bed was destroyed by water coming in the slum apartment that the judge did not think was pertinant to the case.
How is it possible that anyone could expect justice in hillbilly heaven, McHenry County? It is the land of the Good ol’ boys where everyone is guilty until proven innocent and the government is more corrupt then its criminals. A short list of who should be drop kicked. States Attorney Bianchi and his followers, the sheriffs department, the “above the law” Animal control and health division. It’s like they gathered the largest group of morons together and said “here, control everything”
I should of stopped reading when you thought Illinois was a city. I live in Illinois and I know that California is a state. So right there I should of known about your intellegence level. But I wanted to thank you. Thank you for wasting 15 minutes of my time so you can get your 15 minutes of fame off a web site. Pathetic!!
Yeah but California is an important place, filled with important people. Illinois is a worthless clump of shit, clinging to North America’s asshole. Don’t get mad at me just because you and everyone around you are boring and slightly retarded.
See here in McHenry county we pull over latinos for any and every reason. We profile all the time. We pull moves like swtiching court dates on people just so we can send our deputies out to arrest them for missing court. We do that kinda shit here all the time. So don’t be amazed when we pull shit like this. Just another day.
That Jennifer Gibson Prosecutor you mentioned in the article was just arrested for Domestic Battery!
Amen to your article!!! Illinois, The BEST Government money can buy!!!
this shit is just tooo funny. who the fuck cares somebody rides drunk on a kiddie bike .