Apple has recently announced the release of the iPad. Apparently, it’s a cross between an iPod, Amazon’s Kindle ebook reader, the iPod Touch, a tablet PC, and a netbook. Or, if you prefer, you can think of it as an over-sized iPhone that doesn’t make phone calls. Or maybe a really-over-sized Nano that doesn’t take pictures or video? Whatever it is…the whole World is buzzing about it, and frankly…I find it incredibly annoying. If you want to get in on this ridiculous iPad hype, a good place to start is the official page for the Apple iPad. Once you understand at least 5% of the iPad’s features, be sure to go on Twitter and tell the world how you feel about it and how the iPad has changed your life.
Just like any other Apple product release, this one has stirred the pot of Apple fanboys and fangirls…who just can’t WAIT to get their hands on one of these paperweights. By this time tomorrow, your local Starbucks is going to be full of really cool people…all of them casually surfing the Web on their brand new, totally-awesome, WiFi-enabled iPad. No longer will their malnourished fingers struggle to navigate eBay in search of tight-fitting jeans and gauged ear plugs. No…now they can pull this flat-screen TV out of their book bags and man purses, and smear their finger grease across 9.7 inches of LED-backlit multi-touch bliss.
As I’m looking at the trending topics in Twitter right now, I’m seeing the following extremely-important topics:
- itampon
- ipad
- iPhone
- iPad announcement
- iBooks
- iWork
- MaxiPad
- iSlate
- Kindle
- iPod Touch
WTF? iTampon? I guess that’s the next step in iPad technology? Well I’ve always considered myself a bit of an innovator, so I’m going to jump on this bandwagon while the market’s hot. I’m introducing…the new Apple iDouche! That’s right folks…if you can’t focus on important issues because your friends and coworkers refuse to shut up about the iPad, iBooks, iPod, iPhone, iTampon, or any other Apple iCrap…then you need the cutting edge in iPussy technology: the Apple iDouche. You have more important things to worry about than some over-hyped, semi-useful product that all your questionably-heterosexual friends keep babbling about. With the iDouche, there’s never been an easier, more-convenient way for you to flush those iPussies out of your life for good. The 16 gigabyte model starts at only $499. Preorder now!
Apple iDouche
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Why are You surprised about the popularity of such trivial consumer drivel?
Unenlightened Superficial Apes aka U.S.A. has the highest population/concentration of Consumer Wage Slave mall-creatures, in this star cluster.
It’s a sad state of affairs for those expecting a renascence of the human spirit on Urantia/Tiamat/Earth soon when the majority of “educated and civilized” peoples derive their feeling of importance from the accumulation of exponentially advanced technological increments of distraction aka Ipad, iphone, icoche ; )
In any case, Bill Hicks was right. “Did You know by the Year 2000, all malls are going to be connected?” “. . . we live on like the third mall from the sun”