My Dog Ate My V Key

I was digging through some of my old writing files today and I found one of my favorite works of all time. It is a conversation I had with a Dell customer service rep, named Manpreet, via their live chat instant message support system. In case you don’t know… most of these chat-style customer service centers use “canned” responses, meaning they have their most commonly used phrases saved in the chat software, and they can answer most questions with the click of a button. This setup minimizes the rep’s need to type (or speak English), and it allows them to handle several customers at one time. That is… until a smart ass like me comes along. I always make it my personal mission to force the customer service rep to give me a customized, handcrafted response. As you read this chat session, see if you can tell which responses are canned and which ones were made just for me.

 

Manpreet:	Thank you for account verification. As per our records you have a Dimension 8250. Is this the system you have an issue with today?
Dexster:	Yup.
Manpreet:	Could you please elaborate the issue you are facing with your Dimension system?
Dexster:	I was washing the keyboard and my dog ate my V key.
Manpreet:	I am sorry.
Dexster:	I was wondering if it’s possible to get a new one.  Right now I’m using an old Compaq key, but it doesn’t fit right.
Manpreet:	Dexster, the contracts expired on January 8, 2004.  Though I will try my level best to resolve the issue.
Dexster:	Okay, can I buy a V?
Manpreet:	You can purchase a keyboard from the sales department.
Dexster:	What about just a V? My keyboard works great, I just need a V.
Manpreet:	Dexster, I have consulted my supervisor and he has told to buy a keyboard, as repair may not be possible.
Dexster:	It IS possible… I can fix it myself. All I need is the right part.
Manpreet:	Dexster, you may try the V key from a local vendor. From the Dell sales department you would get the keyboard. I apologize for this.
Dexster:	Do you know anyone who sells Vs?
Manpreet:	I am sorry.
Dexster:	Maybe you guys have a broken keyboard lying around that you could just pop the V off of?  I’ll buy it from you.
Manpreet:	I am really sorry but it is not possible.
Dexster:	Why not? This may affect my decision to continue purchasing Dell computers.
Manpreet:	I completely understand the situation you are facing. Having technical problems can cause a lot of frustration, to say the very least, and I would feel the same (if not even worse) if I had gone through what you have.
Dexster:	It has indeed been very stressful.
Manpreet:	Dexster, you can contact the sales department on 1-800-915-3355 and they will provide you the details about this. I will provide you the case number and will include all the comments in that.
Dexster:	Yesterday I tried typing the word "Vivacious" and the double tap on the V was too much.  The lousy Compaq V flew off the desk and across the room.
Manpreet:	Dexster, you can contact the sales department on 1-800-915-3355 and they will provide you the details about this. I will provide you the case number and will include all the comments in that. I am sure the issue would be resolved.
Dexster:	Okay, great. Thank you for your help.